Capricorn, you are a freak of nature. Who else would be represented by half mountain 
goat, half sea serpent? You can often hear Capricorns mutter, “If you aren’t standing behind me or beside me, you’re in my way, so MOVE!” Patience is not one of your strengths. Neither is diplomacy. Your motto seems to be: “It’s not rocket science!” That’s because you’re so much smarter than everyone else. Or at least that’s what you want the world to believe.
You have no idea what the word “fun” means. You’re so business-focused, you’re mind-numbingly dull. Ruled by Saturn (who is into S&M, if you’re interested), you are demanding of others, but not so much yourself. You’d rather whip your employees into a frenzy than do the work yourself. It’s not because you’re lazy, but because you enjoy giving others pain. The Marquis de Sade was probably a Capricorn.
Most politicians are likely Capricorn because they run the country into the ground and never apologize. You view apologies as weakness, and that’s something you would never, ever admit to. Also because in your mind, you’re never wrong. However, you love self-flagellation, because you’d rather beat yourself bloody than admit a mistake. The only way you’ll ever find companionship is with the use of an assault rifle. Remember Richard Nixon? Capricorn. It took the full bearing of the media and the public to get him to finally admit he was a crook. See? You’re in great company.
Your love being an authority figure and lording it over others. However, this overdeveloped sense of always being right leads you into a life of crime. You enjoy making money by blackmailing your friends and family. Like Sagittarius, you love cross-dressing. You also like Alka Seltzer (for your ulcers), and holding grudges. In fact, if grudge-holding were an Olympic sport, you’d be a gold medalist.
Your keyword is: Woe is me
Your lucky number is: Whatever amount of money you can get away with
Your mineral is: Diamond
Your favorite color is: Blood red
Capricorns are like a strange cross between Leo and a Virgo. You think that this makes you both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that you are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep your ego in the backyard. Your ego is second only to Sagittarius. In the event of a world nuclear war, only cockroaches, houseflies, and Capricorns will survive.
You own lots of daytimers and weekly planners to organize the life you’ll never have. How can you when you’re always working so hard at taking other people’s money? Unfortunately, for you, Capricorns went out of style in 1989, which is the year you insist on living in.
UGLY TRUTH ASTROLOGY 